Healing.

March 20, 2012 2 Comments

There’s a lot of junk rambling around in my head right now.  But I would rather use this space, this outlet, for a petition for prayer tonight.

I need healing.  I know friends who need healing.  I know friends and family members of friends need healing.  Would you pray for healing?

 

I sometimes get tongue-tied when praying.  I can easily thank God for all He’s done for me.  I can pray for the needs of my friends and family.  But when it comes for asking God for something specific, I lock up.  Especially healing.  I struggle so much with God’s will.  I really, really, really want to know the outcome of this roller coaster I’ve been on recently, but instead I have to trust God that His will is better than anything I can offer in the realm of “plans.”

 

So when I know someone needs healing, especially physically, sometimes it’s hard to say, “Please God, heal _________.”  Instead, I find myself praying, “Dear Lord, please use this experience of pain to teach us to rely on you.  Please be with ________________ as they, and their family, go through this time of hurting.”

 

I don’t think I’m praying WRONG, but, I think when I’m praying for my friends who need healing, it wouldn’t hurt to say, “Please, God, heal my friend.”

 

Anyway.  I don’t want my point to get lost.  Will you please pray for healing?  I don’t want to divulge details that aren’t mine to share, but if you could please specifically pray for healing for two women who are in great need?  Vague as it may be, it can’t hurt, right?

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Plant your own garden.

March 15, 2012 1 Comment

I know yesterday I referenced planting my own garden and decorating my own soul. Kind of out of the blue if you don’t know the context, huh? Well, let me catch you up.

My dear friend Heather shared the following poem with me a few years ago when I was going through the McShady Situation (that is a whole other blog). While this was no end to some great love story, it always helps to remember my worth as the fabulous single woman I am by remembering I deserve better than the guy who doesn’t see how awesome I am.

 

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

(Veronica A. Shoffstall)

 

I’ve probably shared this before; I’ll probably share it again. I always seem to find my way back to this poem when I’m struggling loving myself. No matter who you are, man, woman, single, married…remember to decorate your own soul. While we all love to get flowers, sometimes the prettiest flowers are the ones you pick and arrange yourself.

 

I enjoy this poem even more juxtaposed with the scripture in John 15 about abiding and pruning. Of course, there’s no direct correlation, but there is something about a garden metaphor that just sticks to me. While I can buy my own flowers to appreciate their prettiness, I am leaving it up to God to prune me. The fruit won’t be instantaneous and I may never see it, but it will come.

Plant your own garden.

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BAM!

February 15, 2012 1 Comment

You ever start thinking about writing a blog and think, “Oooooh I am ON to something.”  And then you go about your day, waiting for that moment where you can write it all down, and then BAM.

 

In this instance, the BAM for me was the sermon for me this past Sunday.  But I have to back up and give a little bit of back story.  Please pardon the vague nature of parts of this story; I may be an open book but I can get sensitive and protective about some things.

With that being said, last week it came up in conversation that I’m a hot air balloon being weighed down.  Ok, so maybe I created that metaphor in dialogue with someone else.  After a lot of personal reflection in just a day or so, that metaphor came the next day and is actually pretty accurate for me right now.  I consider myself an optimist to the core; call it my personal brand if you will.  However, lately, due to spreading myself too thin and being a giver and not getting to take, it’s starting to weigh me down, wear me out.

 

So the silly metaphor spills out in conversation haphazardly and thoughtlessly, but it really hit me.  And I reflected on it through the weekend, realizing more and more how many sandbags are in my life.  And then Sunday rolls around and the BAM comes.  We’re doing a series on Growing Up.  This week, in John 15, the sermon centered around the “pruning” of branches.  You’re familiar with the verse, surely, and even if you aren’t familiar of it scripturally, the lesson is one that we’re taught early on-you prune what does not bear fruit for the sake of the health of the plant.

 

OK God, I get it.  Pruning.  Sandbags.  Uh huh.  I get it.  But really, the “health of the plant” isn’t about me.  It’s not about me not being optimistic or me in a funk, thinking everyone is out to get me.  It’s about You.  It’s about letting go of those sandbags and pruning my vines to bring glory to You.

 

OK.  I get it.

 

The hard part comes now.  Dropping the sandbags and pruning the vines.  I would say that most of the distractions and weights in my life will be easy to re-prioritize or cut out.  However, there’s just a little one that has been a big part of my life that needs to be let go.  I’m not even sure I have to let go, but I do need to relinquish control (remember how I said I’d be vague?).  You know, let go, let God.

 

So Sunday I felt some peace.  And Monday, God continued, in the sense of humor kind of a way that He does, and nudged me with other experiences that continued to quell my fear that this moving on would be wrong.  I’m still not sure what will happen, but I think I’m finally giving this part of my life over to God.

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Who am I?

January 10, 2012 Leave a comment

Who am I?

 Image

What a question to ask yourself, huh?

Don’t worry.  I am not going to wax on philosophically about who I am.  However, I will present a few questions and…thoughts…to you. 

Last Sunday my pastor said something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Being a Christian is about loving others.  You can’t love others until you love yourself.  You can’t love yourself until you know yourself.”

Like, whoa. 

Honestly, over the past few months, as I struggle with my work, my friends and the opposite sex, that question has come up in a variety of ways.  I get really down about myself sometimes.  I could be nicer, more giving, more honest (with others and myself), a tad bit less loud, thinner, more content.  The list just goes on and on.  But no matter the laundry list of improvements, I generally circle back to being pretty dang happy with who I am. 

And then the cycle starts over again and I feel guilty for liking, even loving, myself. 

But I think I’ve finally come to a conclusion.  There are definite improvements I need to make and things I need to be better at, but at the end of the day, I was made in the image of God, so I am pretty freakin’ awesome, ya know?  (And just so you know, so were you, therefore making you just as awesome as me.  We should start a club…)

 

Like I said, no deep philosophical rants.  Just trying to remind myself I was “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and that “He who created me will carry it on unto completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philipians 1:6).

 

 

So I guess I kind of already know the answer to the question.  I am Kelly.  I am loud, I like colorful things, big words, silly romantic comedies that brainwash me about love.  I enjoy laughing at silly videos, trying new restaurants, lying in the grass on a sunny day reading a book.  I love helping people, teaching people, loving people.  Sometimes I say things I shouldn’t; sometimes I spend way more money than I should.  I love Jesus and want to bear His image and seek His will.  I can be found lying in bed killing time on Pinterest at 4 in the morning or out with friends karaoking in the evening.  Not too shabby, eh?

Well, I know me.  And I’m working on loving me.

 

So I guess the only thing left is loving others.  Join me?

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